Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Fail!!

So here it is two months since my last post, and I am pissed.  I am still waiting for that magic pill, CD, book, (someone else's) blog post, The Doctors tv show... that magic SOMETHING that will melt away the fat.  I tried the Magic Lap Band.  Piece of crap that came close to causing permanent damage and could have killed me (and was removed 9 weeks later).  I have on my desk a bottle of phentermine.  Two exercise CDs.  A rubber stretchy thing.  Collecting dust. 

So lately I've been a little pissed at my wonderful husband, who was to be on this P365 journey with me to embark on a healthy lifestyle.  We psyched each other up about it for days before we started.  And we were SO psyched.  But, as with every other "magic" formula I've attempted, it didn't work overnight, and we got discouraged.  Our old habits called out to us and screamed louder than our diabetes, high blood pressure and sore joints.  And so we are back to atrocious eating habits.  Another failed attempt.

There are so many great quotes about failure:

"Try and fail, but don't fail to try."
"The only real failure in life is the failure to try."
"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."

Yes to all of the above.  If trying and failing is so tantamount to success, why haven't I reached my "success" yet???

Before I got married, I thought "Once we are married, it will be so much easier to plan our meals, and get in some exercise."

Wrong.

I think we just "feed" each other's (food) addiction.  Pun intended.  My husband does the majority of the cooking (by his own choice!!).  So, after he works hard all day, comes home and cooks, I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings, or offend him in any way by not eating.  So it's his fault, right?

When I'm sitting at my desk working, and he brings me treats and snacks, I want to be gracious, don't I?  I mean, if he brings it to me, the least I can do is thank him and eat it, right?

I could go on.  But the truth is, it's not my husband's fault.  The only "magic formula" for me is the word "no".  I can even be gracious and say "no, thank you".  I don't have to pile my plate high with the delicious dinner he cooks, and then earn a gold star by eating it all.

I know this is true, because I'm trying it out a little at the time. Last night he baked walnut-brownies and had one a-la-mode.  He came to my office and asked if I wanted chocolate or vanilla.  I ever so graciously declined.  At least he didn't just show up with it already in a serving dish.  I told him I would enjoy one bite of his, which I did. 

I thought that it would be necessary for us to travel this journey together. I wanted us to travel it together.  But I realized last night that I can only walk my own path.  I cannot walk it for him.  But by the same token, I can't blame him for my failures.  I hope and I pray that he will once again become motivated to make better choices.  I hope and pray that I will make more better choices than I make bad ones.  And I hope I will remember, that the only magic formula is saying no.  Eating less and moving more. 

I don't want this quote about failure to be the one that defines me:

"Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up."