Saturday, March 3, 2012

Step Away From The Bacon!

I married the proverbial "man of my dreams" last April. He is good, and kind, and sweet, and thoughtful. And sinister. HA! I have blogged before about how, in his kind and thoughtful manner, he sabotages me. And I've owned the fact that it's not really him sabotaging me, it's ME sabotaging me when I accept his offerings of food "just so I won't hurt his feelings". 

But seriously. How MANY TIMES do I have to say the words "Thank you, honey, but I can't eat that." And how many times do I have to see his crestfallen look, as though I have just rejected him personally when I don't accept what he brings me. He is my biggest cheerleader throughout this progress, and is constantly telling me that he can tell I am losing weight, and compliments me daily. 

So why does he CONTINUE to bring me food that I can't eat? Does he think he is helping me perfect my willpower? Is he taking personal responsibility for honing my character and my resolve? 

We have a house full of grandbabies this weekend, and Papa got up to cook breakfast for everyone. I was busy in the bedroom with chores and getting ready for the day, happy to be behind closed doors and not having my senses assaulted with the sounds and smells of sizzling bacon, iced cinnamon rolls, and freshly-scrambled eggs. Happy that I had avoided the morning feast, and totally prepared for my coffee, water, and my protein bar, my daily breakfast routine, I settled in to finish watching an episode of Yard Crashers on HGTV, to wait it out until the feasting and cleanup process was complete. 

I hear a faint knock at the door, and in walks my husband, looking so pleased with himself, as though he was presenting me a winning lottery ticket or something. But it was not to be a winning lottery ticket, but a plate heavily laden with bacon, eggs and a cinnamon roll. WHAT???

"Oh honey.... I can't eat this!!!... but thank you for bringing it to me!" 

When what I really wanted to do was smash the plate in his face, cream-pie fashion, stand on his back and scream at him. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME?????

As he hung his head low, and looked like I had just kicked his puppy, I relented, and told him I would eat the eggs. It was a small serving, after all. Then I checked the points value for the bacon, and found it was 2 pts for 1 slice, 5 points for 2 slices, so I ate 1 1/2 slices for 3 points. I ended up with 5 points for my breakfast, which is what my protein bar "costs", so I came out okay. He did at least take the cinnamon roll off the plate and gave it to one of the kids. 

But now the Bacon Monster has been unleashed. There are certain things that I can do okay with. As in, "eat just one". There are other things that are danger foods for me, and when I have them, it seems like the dam just breaks and I find myself craving more and more. Bacon is one of those things. Breakfast foods in general, but especially bacon. Cooked to a crispy, crunchy slab of deliciousness (just about 30 seconds away from burning). I could eat a pan full of it. 

Thankfully, he cooked the entire package, and thankfully, he and the rest of the crew finished off every delightful bite, so there are no little bacon crunchies left lying about the kitchen. 

But my house still smells like bacon.

What am I going to DO with this man??? Why can't he understand that sometimes I'm just not that strong, or even if I am strong and only eat a little bit, that it just makes me want more? He is so sweet and kind... but I guess I'm just gonna hafta get tough with him, and tell him (AGAIN) that this is making my journey more difficult. The program is so perfectly doable, and it works so well. But for me, it's as much of a mental battle as it is a physical one. He sees what he is doing as being kind, and pleasing me by bringing me food. Sometimes I see i t as mean and cruel. 

The windows are open in the house, and I've locked myself in my office to do some work. Maybe the bacon smell will be gone by the time I'm finished. I sure hope so. 

Happy Saturday!!

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